i have another blog (freedom-of-excess.blogspot.com, if you're interested ). it's much more legit than this one; it's basically for me to chronicle my journey to the USOC (assuming i get there, of course), and it's something i plan to put on my resume. obviously, my Xanga is NOT serious. almost nobody from my "real life" knows about it, so i can basically talk trash and curse all i want ;) lol. on that one, however, i make it public for people in my real life to see, and i'm super conscientious about what i say. that is, no cursing, and no talking about anything that'll get anyone mad.
the other day, i got some awesome news; Gary Hall Sr., a former Olympic medal-winning swimmer and current vice president of the US Olympians Association, said he would write me a letter of recommendation for the internship i want with the US Olympic Committee. needless to say, i was FREAKING OUT, and quickly shot off a blog about how FREAKING OUT i was. it included this line: "i will be getting a letter of recommendation from GARY EFFING HALL!"
today, i get a call from my grandma (whom i love dearly, don't get me wrong), saying that that kind of language is inappropriate and could cost me that letter.
i understand that this is out of love, but seriously, what the FUCK?! (aaahhh, that feels good to say :) lmao.) first of all, i censored myself. saying "effing" is much different than saying "fucking," let's be real. second, it's not like i'm saying "he's an effing [fill in the blank]" or "eff him" ... it was to get the point across that, holy crap, THIS GUY is writing me a letter! third, it was used in EXCITEMENT. it's not like i'm just casually throwing it around, saying everything is effing this and effing that. this is the ONLY TIME on my ENTIRE BLOG where i curse gratuitously. the only other time i've cursed at all was when i was describing my verbatim reaction to something that happened to include the word "fuck," and that was ALSO out of excitement.
what do you guys think? my grandma (and apparently my mom, who hasn't even said anything to me about it but apparently mentioned it to my dad -_____________-) is adamant that i fix it, but honestly, i don't see the need. that particular blog serves no purpose other than to say "I'M SO EXCITED!" ... it was my genuine reaction in the moment, and i don't want to change that. it wasn't particularly well written, because that wasn't the point. i have other, much better, "EFF"-FREE entries that are much more indicative of who i am and my writing style than that short little nothing that was basically a glorified "squeeee!"
but, at the same time, i know it's a valid criticism. on it's face, "don't curse in your blog" is completely legitimate. but i feel like i'm in the right here.
i entered to win some scholarship money, and i need your help!
(Xanga doesn't want me to be able to name my hyperlink OR embed the actual entry, so please bear with the ugliness of the link!)
please vote!! only the top 200 are eligible, so i've got some ground to cover. you don't have to sign up for anything, just click the handy dandy little vote button.
any and all votes are appreciated! pleeeease and thank you! :D <3
in the entry i posted several days ago, when i was talking about girls that find great guy after great guy, i had one specific friend in mind. i mean, there are others, but i was thinking of one in particular. we met at the High School Journalism Institute at Indiana University during the summer of 2007, became fast friends, and haven't seen each other since. but during the 2010 Olympics, we discovered that it was a mutual love, and struck up our friendship again. we've been texting rather frequently for the past year. and while she's great, and i love her, it's almost ALWAYS about boys.
since we've been talking again (aka 12 months almost to the day), there have been at least four "great" guys. a year ago it was a guy from some church thing. over the summer it was a guy that worked with her at camp. last fall it was a guy from her cousin's wedding. and most recently it was a guy from MuggleCast, the Harry Potter podcast (not even kidding, lol. they met on facebook and it continued from there).
as someone who's perpetually single, it's a bit grinding on the nerves to have a friend who's always gushing about this fantabulous guy she likes and who she THINKS was definitely flirting with her, but she's not really sure but OMG he's super cute and perfect for her and they're hanging out tomorrow! >.< really, i'm happy for you and everything, but PLEASE SHUT UP.
she'd been dating this last guy for almost two months now, but they were still unofficial. she'd told me about the situation a few times and how she really wanted to make it official already, since they were both looking for a relationship, but he was being weird about it. not knowing him at all, i gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he'd been burned in the past and just wanted to go slow. after all, two months isn't an obscenely long time.
she texted me this morning, saying that he's a douchebag. she said he's "been seeing this girl from Portland and is going in March to see her. no commitment." apparently he wants to keep seeing my friend, but not exclusively, and that he definitely sees a future with her. but my friend, being the smarty she is, dumped his ass.
while she's pissed about there being another girl, she says she's fine and moving on already. yes, there's another guy. ALREADY. what. the. effffff.
but that's besides the point. the point is that i was jealous of her for finding all these guys she likes so much and that (apparently) like her, but they always end up being douches! the guy from church never followed through, the guy from camp had a girlfriend, the guy from the wedding went back to his ex, and MuggleCast guy was talking to another girl. the conversation we had this morning really put things in perspective. while, yes, i wish i had someone, under no circumstances do i want someone like the guys she's been finding.
so i may be single for the rest of eternity, but at least i'm not falling for a constant stream of assholes! :)
alright, i'm feeling melancholy and PMS-y, so bear with me while i whine a bit.
how is it that some girls date a constant stream of guys, while i've yet to find a single one?
there are girls that find great guy after great guy after great guy, all of which OBVIOUSLY think they're beautiful and wonderful and the best thing since sliced bread. and yes, these girls are fairly attractive and funny and great to talk to. but it makes me wonder what the hell i'm doing wrong!
am i more annoying than i think i am? am i uglier than i think i am? am i more antisocial than i think i am?
i'm sure i can be annoying sometimes, i'm positive that i'm no model, and i do enjoy spending time by myself. but i'm enjoyable enough to be around that i have close friends, i'm not particularly hideous, and i DO leave my room on a regular basis.
does the fact that i'm on the quiet side make me come across as bitchy to the entire world?
i realize that i can be socially awkward and i'm incompetent at flirting, but i'd think that at some point there'd be someone willing to overlook that! right? or am i just oblivious to when a guy is trying to flirt with me, seeing as i have zero experience being flirted with?
or are my standards far too high? i don't want to waste my time with someone i find out later on is a complete jerk, so i feel like i'm pickier than i'm justified to be. but at the same time, i know that's CRAP. i respect myself too much to lower my standards, so i guess i'm just screwed in that department. -_-
to clarify: i'm not desperate for a boyfriend. i'd much rather be single for the rest of my life than in (a) shitty relationship(s). but at the same time, i want to experience love, for god's sake! i'm turning 20 this month, and i've never been kissed or had a relationship. guys have liked me (in high school at least, that i know of), but they were awkward and creepy and weird and i barely had feelings of friendship towards them, let alone romantic feelings. i did get asked out once, but he was my friend, and i wasn't sure i liked him in the right way, so despite initially saying yes, that went nowhere.
i'm tired of just reading and hearing about first dates, first kisses, first loves. I WANT TO EXPERIENCE THEM FOR MYSELF.
my roommate is studying abroad in Monaco next semester (that bitch!), and i just said goodbye to her before i leave for winter break. i'm legitimately upset.
it's bizarre. over the past year and a half, i've probably spent more time with her than anyone else. i mean, not only are we friends and hang out, we LIVE together. i definitely feel like we have a special kind of bond (don't make that dirty!). how many other people could i live with for as long as we have and not hate even a little bit? most people piss me off after a long period of time... actually, before i met my roomie, ALL people pissed me off after a long period of time. but i haven't been even a little bit annoyed at her once since August of 2009, and that was only because it was our first night living together and she left the door light on when we went to sleep. we've since improved our communication skills, lol.
but seriously, i couldn't have asked for a better roommate. our living styles are almost perfectly compatible, we have the same sense of humor, and we get along like nobody's business. i'm gonna miss the shit out of her. </3
(it was Halloween. i was someone you can count on, and she was black-eyed peas. our waiter asked her if the black eye was real, lol.)
our last night as roommates was super eventful. the fire alarm went off at 3 am, and i had an 8 am final today. and to make it even better, it was 30 degrees last night! so floors 4, 5, and 6 were outside in the freeeeezing cold for 20 minutes before they let us wait in the lobby. there wasn't even a fire; some douchebag just wanted to play with the fire extinguisher. -_______________- i was ready to smack a bitch. so we got to hang around in the lobby until 4, when we could finally come back upstairs and get two hours of sleep before taking our last two finals of the semester woooooo! okay, so that was just me :P. but still. SO PISSED. and did i mention that it's freezing? 'cause it's freezing. IN FLORIDA. FUCK YOU, GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE! ahem. i'm done now, though! w00t! and all day i've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to find a freaking empty washing machine/dryer to do my last loads of laundry before i go home, while everyone else has the exact same idea. today has just NOT been my day.
now i have to worry about the matter of being put with a new roommate for the spring. i mean, i'm not TOO worried, since it's uber temporary, just for this semester. but still. i hope i'm not stuck with a girl who comes stumbling in, drunk, at 4 am. or a girl who i walk in on having sex on a regular basis. as long as we can tolerate each other, and can respect each other, i'll be perfectly fine. it's just the waiting and the not knowing that's killing me.
happy winter break!